


leave tonight or live and die this way

by judy_newstead



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Kind of a song fic?, based on tracy chapman's fast car, from trina's pov :0, i thought of this a few days ago and sobbed for about ten minutes yay, im fuckinf hate marvin, its sad !, not very good but oh :) well :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28714338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judy_newstead/pseuds/judy_newstead
Summary: m*rvin is,, destestable,, trina is,,, sad,, i am also sad,,
Relationships: Marvin/Trina (Falsettos)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 5





	leave tonight or live and die this way

**_9th January 1969 , 6.30pm_ **

Marvin stared at me, with that incredulous look on his face, as if I'd suggested we run off to become Soviet politicians. He ran his hands through his fluffy brown hair and laughed while silently mouthing 'no' at me. 

"No, Marv, I'm serious," I tried my best not to roll my eyes at his know-it-all attitude. That wouldn't end well, and I really couldn't afford to lose another piece of china to his anger, "I've been working down at the convenience store, managed to save just a little bit of money." 

"Trina, come on. Life isn't one of your stupid girly books, you know." 

Lord, he was so condescending. I entertained the thought of just leaving myself, going off into the night and seeing the world for myself for a moment, before I remembered what Marvin always said 'you'd be nothing without me.' He was right, I supposed. He was perfect, with his charming smile and clear hazel eyes, while I was just _me_ , hair a little bit too fluffy to be cute, and eyes too muddy to be pretty. He was more intelligent as well, nearly got into law school, and I had never even finished high school. 

"Please? I just want to finally see what it means to be living." I was sure that my current life, or rather existence, wasn't living. It was supposed to be more late nights, city lights and pretty flowers than the current suburban nightmare of grocery stores aisles and picket fences. 

"Trina? Get out your dream world," he smirked and raised his eyebrows when I jumped, "okay, we'll give it a go. But if we end up as crackhead hookers I'm blaming you." 

I gasped at his obscene language. Of course we wouldn't do... _that._ I sat for a minute longer to make sure he wasn't just making fun of me before jumping up and running to get my things. I managed to pack my whole dreary existence into the red and white polka-dot bag my mother had shoved at me when I moved out. Dresses, skirts, sweaters, and the little rabbit my gran knit me when I was eight. I did Marvin's bag as well, because I knew he'd be too lazy and irresponsible to do it properly. I laughed inwardly at the thought of letting him do it, then running away with just whiskey and stupid magazines. 

_**10th January 1969, 2.40am** _

"Marvin! Slow down!" I laughed, the adrenaline making me feel as if I was drunk. 

He laughed louder than me, and took his hands of the steering wheel, "Trin. It's just us, I'm not gonna kill anyone."

"You could kill us!" I said, indignantly putting his hands back on the wheel, "Then we'd be dead." 

"Yeah, that's usually what happens when people are killed," He said, sarcasm practically pouring from his words, and turned up Dolly Parton's 'Just Because I'm a Woman' on the broken car radio. 

We sat in silence for a minute, then he wrapped his arm round my shoulder. It felt so _nice_. His arm was warm, and his sweater was soft. And it had been so long, far too long, since I'd been held. My father used to say I was like a puppy, always needing to be held by or touching someone, but I couldn't remember the last time he'd willingly touched me before this. I snuggled closer and marvelled at the bright city lights spread out in front of us. They were so pretty, like futuristic stars. I felt like I belonged, and that maybe I could _be_ someone. Maybe everything would be alright. 

_**19th April 1974** _

"Trina!" I heard a yell from upstairs, "Jason's puked again." 

Ugh. I shuddered at the thought of having to clean up more sick. Were five year olds supposed to expel their guts this often? I didn't know. Still, it wouldn't be fair to keep Marvin waiting so I pulled on a pair of yellow rubber gloves and ran up to see if the mess was bad. It was. Yuck. 

"This was _not_ younger Trina's plan" I muttered to myself as I scrubbed at the foul liquid. In little Trina's world, men were soft and kind, and children preferably didn't vomit. At least I wasn't trapped in the old town, I reasoned, trying to push the thought that I'd jumped from one cage to another like an unsuspecting parakeet out of my mind. 

When I stood up and looked in the mirror, it was hard to believe it'd only been five years since we'd drove out on our lives. My hair no longer had it's youthful fluff, instead curling limply around my shoulders, and the sparkle in my eyes had long since left, leaving behind a colour reminiscent of strong whiskey. I sighed and moved away from the mirror, it was no good thinking of what-might've-beens, it would never soften the ache, and the real world needed facing. 

_**29th November 1978** _

I sat motionless as Marvin slams the door coming in from work. It's pointless, I know he'll go out again in ten minutes to see whoever it is that's making him happy. Not me. I wondered briefly who the other woman was, who's sickly floral perfume he positively reeks of when he guiltily slips into the bed each night. Wondered if he insulted her as much as he did me, if his hazel eyes mockingly stared at her while (if) she cried because of him. 

"Trina? Where the fuck are you?"   
I still jumped when he cursed. I'd never gotten over how harsh it sounded coming out of his mouth. I called back softly, waiting for him to come in and yell about whatever he deemed I'd done wrong this time. 

"Trina. I need to tell you something. Sit down."

He wouldn't meet my eyes. Maybe he was finally going to tell me about his _lover_ that he ran off to see everynight. And thought I somehow didn't notice.

"Now, this is going to be quite a shock,"

He paused and rubbed his eyes, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else than their pastel green kitchen,

"I'm, I'm gay." 

I dropped the dish I was holding, not even looking down as it shattered at my feet. 

"I've been seeing someone , a man, for quite a while now,"

Ah of course, the fucking perfume. The guilty looks. He was never mine. 

"He's going to move in with us." 

I let out a sob and ran off to the bedroom. Marvin didn't bother coming after me. He expected me to just welcome this man, this _whore_ with open arms?

I'd always hoped for better, I thought maybe together me and him'd find it. Turns out he was right, at the very start when he said 'life isn't one of your stupid girly books'

Because it turns out, everything was _not_ alright.

**Author's Note:**

> microsoft teams keeps just KICKING ME OUT  
> and my biology teacher keeps putting on work abt reproduction. please help


End file.
